Humor

Wheelchair Sign
Originally uploaded by Renier & Rene Taken at the St Lucia Crocodile Park

Uploaded by Renier & Rene on 7 May 07, 8.51AM BST.

This ones a no brainer, Laptops Direct will give you £5000 to have their name tattooed on your head.

The requirements are strict and may put some peope off:

• You must take a drug test and successfully complete a short psychological questionnaire to ensure you are of sound mind
• You must be over 18 years of age and have had no previous mental health problems
• You must be a tattoo virgin - It would cramp our brand if there were other competing tattoos
• You must attend an annual check-up to ensure you have not removed the tattoo, have not had any other tattoos added and are still of sound mind.

Tattoos for other parts of the body are also available if you don't fancy walking around with it on your forehead. Arms/Hands - £1000, Shoulders/Back - £500 or Legs/Feet - £100.

Of course the grand prize is clearly the forehead tattoo.

Anyone going to be getting one?

I found this cool site that lets you create your own South Park characters. You can choose from thousands of different body parts and accessories. I created myself below:

Even with the crown.... ;-)

This is a simple one and could fit in every supermarket and corner shop. Basically the machine is loaded with frozen food from meat, vegetables and sauces. You would first pick a meat (chicken, beef, lamb, pork, dog) then select vegetables, upto five (carrots, broccoli, greens, onions, cabbage etc) then select a sauce (sweet and sour, curry, black bean, tomato etc) then finally you select what you want with it (rice, potatoes, bread, pasta). The machine will stick them all in a plastic tub that you can take home and microwave.

You could even reuse your rub again for your next meal. This invention is perfect for fussy people or people who are fed up with supermarket selections and you could even customise quantity so if you were feeling hungry you could have extra food.

This one is a bit more sick then the last post but I believe there would be a market for it, especially to more vain people.

The idea is to combine toilet roll with selotape to wipe your arse with. The invention will not only wipe your arse but will also rip all the hairs out giving the equivalent of a ass waxing. The genius thing about this is that if used daily (or however often you take a dump) it constantly cleans your ass of hair and crap meaning that instead of having a painful ass waxing quarterly or yearly you can have daily doses of small amounts of pain and have a constantly smooth ass.

As you can see from this detailed diagram, before using the special sticky bog roll the subject has a hairy crappy ass however after their ass is completely clean and "shaven".

Welcome to my latest blog series on investions! This series of posts will focus on the useless and strange inventions I think up. The first today is the Tie Freshener.

I wear a tie for work most days and am constantly spraying myself with after shave when going to see clients. It got me thinking of how I could smell nice all day.

All ties have a little opening at the bottom that serve no real purpose. The Tie Freshener would be like a normal air freshener but would smell of your favourite aftershave (though if you wanted to smell of forest green that could also be available). It would clip on to the bottom of your tie and the smell would last for say a week.

You could make your own Tie Freshener with a car freshener shoved up the end of your tie.

After releasing The Cult Of Beletor on the world we have been getting even more sightings of our Messiah.

Keep sending your sightings in!

After releasing Beletor on the world in a recent blog post we have had increased reports of sightings of a so called "beletor cult" accross the world.

Below are some of the photos of signs spotted:

If you spot any Beletor worshipers please send them in.

Just came across some sad people on myspace that had been using this site to get virtually married.

Its so easy anything can be married.

(the witness had no option)

I’m sure it’s not hard to think of many other great things that should be married.

Have problems deciding what sex you are?

Confused?

Well that’s ok as we came across this Coventry University monitoring form.